Plenty of Freaks

Being new to the lesbian scene and not knowing how to go about meeting girls. I signed up for an account on a popular dating site: Plenty of Fish. After the first few days of having this account, I was getting a fair amount of flirts and emails.  One girl in particular caught my eye and I was guessing I caught hers as well because she emailed me.We chatted online for a few days and I figured she was normal so we decided to exchange numbers. That was when all hell broke loose!

It started off as a simple texting conversation. We asked each other questions about life, hobbies, likes and dislikes.  I actually enjoyed texting this girl for the first few days (even though she was coming off as a little insecure).

Then she asked me out on a date for the following weekend. I politely agreed but I just didn’t know exactly what I agreed to.  She mentioned something along the lines of going dancing and I thought that sounded cool. 

The next few days if chatting, I get to know her a bit too well. She starts going a little psycho and she starts shifting the conversation to sex. Since I didn't have any experience in that department, I wasn't sure how to respond. In her creative attempt to get me worked up, she begins to send me porn videos. I was a bit weirded out, but for my own amusement I just went with it. Bad call on my part, because all of the sudden she has a great idea that our date should now involve meeting in a hotel room before we go out for a little fun. WTF? Am I now some cheap slut for her to have her schoolgirl fantasies with? I told her that was not going to happen. She says "but that's how all my relationships start." Great, so you're telling me you are a whore with an STD. Then and there, I shut that shit down. 

The cherry on top of this weird ass Dodged Connection was that she didn't want me talking to any other girls (even though we had yet to meet), she continued to text/message harass me for about two weeks after I started ignoring her and she wanted me to pay for the hotel room. Plenty of Fish huh? How bout Plenty of Freaks....

Do you still live in your parent's basement too?

Early on in my attempt at online dating I established a profile on match.com. I was surprised to see that there was quite a buffet of attractiveness and I couldn't wait to try out the sampler platter.

A good looking blonde haired, blue eyed guy started emailing me and we chatted for what seemed like a few weeks. He wanted to do something low key (as did I being new to the online dating thing), so we scheduled a happy hour/trivia date at the local Fado Irish Pub.

Drinks and chatting turned out to be pleasant. The trivia part of the date, well not so much. He actually sucked at trivia and I do believe that my mother's Chihuahua, Melvin could have done a better job at such shitty guessing. I would have totally stopped at that and filed this date in the "I'll give you another try, maybe trivia is just not your thing file", but his response to the check coming just closed his casket with me.

Yes, I know what you're all thinking. But I am a lady and when I am asked out on a date (a cheap one at that) I expect the other person to treat. Instead of pulling the whole, I'll be right back and ditching this guy, I coughed up my half of the bill, which was a whopping 11.00. Then my fantasy date proceeded to ask me if I'd like to come back to his place and play PS3. Really?

As intriguing as this offer was and as much as I wanted to work on my Leisure Suit Larry: Box Office Bust skills, I politely declined. Talk about a dodged connection and a wonderful welcome to the online dating world! Did he live with his parents too?

At first I thought you ruined my birthday… – w4w – 29 (East Atlanta (Mary’s/MSR) )

To the girl who wore Christmas lights out last Saturday, December 15th : You my dear were a Christmas nightmare. Not only because you wore those lights, but because it was my birthday celebration and I saw you that night. You also had an elf with you.

I was out, just celebrating my Dirty 30 with my friends like any sexy single gal would do and you happened to be at Mary’s. One of my friends pointed you out to me and I knew at that moment, the result of my evening was on a different playing field. I decided to partake in some karaoke, but you were called first. Let me just say that I’ve never heard ” Total Eclipse of the Heart ” bludgeoned to death quite like that. Then and there, I got looks of disapproval from all of my friends.

After my trio of songs (which you so nicely had to dance directly in front of me during each, then precede to request permission to be a “back up dancer”) I decided it was time to move on to the next bar away from your drunken shit show.

But no, I was wrong. I turned around at the next bar after ordering my drink and there you were, looking fresh out of an ugly Christmas sweater party gone wrong. I vocalized my distaste, but you kept saying I was being mean. Then to my surprise you molested me, make out style. After the face rape, you turned and left and I thought for sure that was it.

I saw you a little later passed with your face planted on nasty bar table. Being the mean person I am, I poked you on your shoulders like the dead body you appeared to be, with the attempt to wake you up so you wouldn’t get kicked out. Then your elf intercepted and I walked away chuckling.

You claimed that you always wanted someone to write a “missed connection” about you. Well this ain’t it baby. This is a dodged connection. After that ridiculous display of douchery I now believe that I dodged a bullet with you.

PS: Good luck with your elf!

International Man of Mystery

I met you at a speed dating event. You were cute and nice. What really intrigued me was your response to what you do for a living. You said “International Man of Mystery”, and I knew right then and there I wanted to find out what that mystery was.

We went out on our first date the following week, to a nice Italian restaurant. I was impressed. You ordered us a nice bottle of red, again I was impressed. Then our food came and I looked down at my dish to scope out the goods. When I looked up I noticed that you had removed your two front teeth, I was not impressed.

Who the fuck takes out their teeth on the first date without some kind of warning to the other person????
Well, looks like I solved that mystery.

If you’re wondering why you never heard back from me, it’s because this was a dodged connection. I didn’t want you to have to continually dodge the jokes I could have come up with at your expense.

Next time you go out on a date, keep your chompers in your mouth. No poor, unfortunate girl wants to discover that mystery.

Dodged Connections: The Concept

We all get hit on, and we all have horrible unromantical experiences with the sex of our choice. After years of shitty dating and chance meetings with others, I have finally come to the conclusion that there is such thing as a dodged connection.

A dodged connection is the exact opposite of a missed connection. You absolutely in your right mind did not want it to happen. Whether it be a shitty date, an idiot hitting on you or having an unfortunate encounter with a dumbass out in public, we can all agree that each and every one of us has had a dodged connection at some point in our life.

My point of this blog is to give the public a venting space for their dodged connections. I will also update this blog with humorous interpretations of my own personal dodged connections. Maybe this will be the start of a great concept. One that will allow what is left of the upstanding human race to have faith, that one day we will all not have to put up with this kind of nonsense anymore.

You can email me your dodged connections at: dodgedconnection@gmail.com

They will remain anonymous!

About Dodged Connections

Hi all! I'm a 35 yr old single gal living in Atlanta. I'm going through a transitional period of my life where I'm trying to figure out what I want from a relationship- but in the meantime, completely keeping my options open and dating all kinds of folks.

My expectations for this blog is to share stories of my dating experiences for the next year (and beyond) while keeping true to myself by remaining honest and frank. I'm naturally that type of person and I believe that my honesty with my dating experiences will most definitely be hilarious and entertaining :)